i want newness all the time

over under little wonder

2008-10-23T19:12:00.000-07:00

i knew then more than now what it is that i want, exactly.
old age does a number on my heart, with heels.
little metal edges with clicking and clacking and clanging.
do you have any idea how much i regret saying you were too late?

it's been a year since my last confession.

betwixt

2007-10-11T13:49:00.000-07:00

you are lodged so delicately between two paragraphs, between two years, between two sets of teeth attached to one jaw and i will never have the chance to gobble you up.

i don't suppose i really truly care, but something about my insides insist that you're still there. you're not you know. not in my blood or lungs or eyes or arms. not anywhere that isn't far far away. i never loved you, but i wanted to.

vast

2007-10-10T10:24:00.000-07:00

truculence will get you nowhere. you know where i think you are headed.
this is the first in a long line. a string of red, a strand of pearls made from your descendants- so very like the sand.

2006-07-22T00:26:00.000-07:00

i saw the only good picture of you today
and half your face was broken blood vessels.

you still have another half a face to go to a pleasing countenance, and i'll bet it's the wrong half you're thinking of.

sleeptalk

2006-05-31T21:45:00.000-07:00

life is a thing to love a little. there are a lot of things to love. i love verbs and nouns considerably. people, places, things, and all the action that accompanies those particular objects. i'm not interested in objectifying. with the right objective, practically anything can be accomplished. i get so tired right in the middle of all the exciting things i think and feel and desire. one day all this sleep will make a little sense to me.

musickening

2006-05-29T22:04:00.000-07:00

i hate your voice completely

it's very small

2006-05-12T21:25:00.000-07:00

i run out of places to place conversations between myself and me. i spend countless hours creating counterparts out of technological advances. i will generate commentary. i will stimulate discussion. i will be the only one communicating, and i'll never understand a word i say in response. a word once lost is lost. where is the beginning and end of a forgetful tongue.

right hands uphold

2006-04-25T08:04:00.000-07:00

my name is raincloud
dreary is my business
that language has graced my lips more often than a kiss
a new me is trying to live under the weight of my words
the spoken curse
i have been telling myself to die
when all i want is to be alive

i whisper only the most insipid secrets
my sharing is a ploy
there are enough self made regrets
to hinder all the joy

but your strength is made perfect in my weakness

watching you

2006-02-06T20:30:00.000-08:00

my words are seeds and i will plant them with caution from now on.
i will grow love
i will grow faith
i will grow compassion, blessing, joy, giving. my roots thirst for living water and who am i to deny them their heart's desire?

i cannot change with my bound up hands

2006-01-14T07:36:00.000-08:00

i want freedom
i want newness
make a difference in me.

it's easy to be me

2005-12-27T05:52:00.000-08:00

i am a selfish human being. i think about you more than i think about me. i just know that i am a confusing work of modern art that needs quite a bit of explaining. it's all for your sake. i hate myself more often than not and i want to make sure you don't fall into my line of thinking. if you can understand, well maybe. you know? maybe.
i don't want me.
i want You.

sink sank sunkissed

2005-12-23T08:56:00.000-08:00

i am a champion letter changer.
subjects fall dormant at my feet and i switch words for words, ideas for the lack thereof. i am a fearless leader in the labyrinth of conversation, weaving in and out of sore subjects, sliding into new directions at the hint of discomfort on my part. this is art, science, trouble and rescue. i am the helm of a sinking ship, but i continue to force a smile. i'll never let you look past my teeth.

flit and fawn

2005-12-20T22:43:00.000-08:00

i am afraid of myself.
i am afraid of the flow.
i am not looking to take, but i'll drink in your words.

+ me -

2005-12-19T17:17:00.000-08:00

some consider me to be lacking in positivity. i am here to assure you that hope is my central theme. i am not living in sin, but sometimes i get a little of it on me. i am pure because i've been purified. i am galvanized metal. you can't hang on, and i will escape.

crush skulls sea gulls

2005-12-04T20:34:00.000-08:00

one is silver and the other is gold.
i'll make room for the new by forgetting the old.
birds and aeroplanes fly. nature nurtures and we create something new out of something old. art is a depiction of everything that already exists. i kill art. it never will amount to much. where is the new i've been looking for? i want newness all the time.

the nature of the least

2005-11-27T22:05:00.000-08:00

i'm more prim and proper than you probably predicted i would be.
some maintain the stance that such attitudes equal a legalistic personality and mindset.
i am not one of the some. i am one of the sum. unfortunately i do not add up just yet. i am missing several brothers necessary. 2 and 2 is four. i am dreadfully inconsistent. my teeth are not yet in line so you can forget about zipping up. i can't be keeping anyone warm. i myself am accustomed to the cold. being used to a thing and liking it are two very different things.
if i could pick anyone to be near, it would be you.

solicit solitude or soften

2005-11-25T21:17:00.000-08:00

you said you're not the kind of person novels are written about.

i cut down trees.
i hang up phones.
i live for the over and hate the happenings.
it isn't you, it's the millions of others.
a face in the crowd is still a face i'd rather never see.

structural

2005-11-03T20:38:00.000-08:00

i am a shattered mirror, reflecting the slightest glimmer in all directions. i do not light up a room, i simply remind you of your own luminescence. when it's all said and done, i am broken glass and nickel.

somewhere inside the empty shell of my humanity lies a creature born in newness and light. i will be a woman after Your own heart.

round and round

2005-10-25T21:24:00.000-07:00

my heart is melted within me.
i am so distraught over the realizations that i must continually make. i can't seem to stop wanting. i want flesh and blood. i desire relation. i want to know and be known and i guess i have no right to want it. i am full up with what counts, so why can't i forget this feeling.

there's no space

2005-10-16T10:54:00.000-07:00

keep it secret
but safe is a far cry from my true location. i am living in fear of your loving me. i don't believe i don't believe i don't believe and how dare i not? something is getting in the way of something. i don't know what i want or what i should have. i am getting in the way, but i am pure. i am pure.

zippers

2005-10-03T22:09:00.000-07:00

desperado.
i am a desperate girl. not pushing for something i want, but having been pushed to the point that i will fight to live. and living, living isn't that exciting. i want to be in love with you, but you are perfectly awful.

saturday is a big day in someone's life.
for me, it is the day that i take down the pictures a married man gave me before he was married.

the amicable annihilation of everything artistic

2005-10-02T00:17:00.000-07:00

dear art,

you should know you stand no chance against the incessant flailings of my power saw arms. bid your fair family, literature and the like, farewell. this will be the last you see of them and me. the last you see of the outside. you'll be buried soundly in the earth to disperse amongst the roots and weeds. i assume you will resume growth upon recognizing that it is achieved only after excessive pruning (for which you can depend upon me). i thought you'd like to know you have a friend in your desperate times.

contrition

2005-09-14T20:18:00.000-07:00

it seems my lips are sealed.
a number of things get in the way of sound. objects are obstructions more often than not. i heard once, that nothing is sound. nothing is sound. nothing is sound.
once twice three times
am i a lady or just a female? i will be a woman after God's own heart. my heart has leanings and longings enough to fill up several lifetimes. i only hope that i can forget about mine. all my longings lie open before you.

d is for dissonance, distance, and disdain

2005-09-01T23:08:00.000-07:00

i know what i want and ought to have. i am no good at pretending otherwise. i am no good.
no good
no good
nothing is good
there is nothing new under the sun and i won't consider this to be something new.
it's old. the oldest.
the overs.
covers
lovers
pushers
shovers
everyone is away. distance is less a vacation home and more a point of origin at which i remain fastened.
i will play
you won't listen
we should have been friends

come over

2005-08-29T20:06:00.000-07:00

what's a blog if it dissolves in water?

i am absorbed and attempting to absorb.

deplete

2005-08-28T10:34:00.000-07:00

get old
or get told to grow up faster. i've been an adult since i first opened my eyes.
hush
dear
hush
dear
is it fear
or is it really wrong?

darme

2005-08-22T20:55:00.000-07:00

i am afraid of having nothing to give.

i am more afraid of having nothing to get.

coerce -e+ion

2005-08-21T00:08:00.000-07:00

ionize
there are valence electrons between me and my mind.
coercion can only occur when the coerced doesn't desire the achieved end result.
remember that, boys,
while you're playing touch football.

fading to right light if i can bear the difference in shade

2005-08-18T10:21:00.000-07:00

i am trying, if it's worth a try.
everyone's insides are looking a little grey, a little blue and white.
i will find the drops of life in living and increase in measure.
water logged roots will be the beginning and end. i will be a tree firmly planted.
i am getting taller and thicker and fuller and fairer under the care of the sun and air.
i hate nature and i will quit dropping my acorns.

every rose has it's thorn

2005-08-16T09:05:00.000-07:00

i want a stand up kiss
i want a happy home
i want to know what i'll miss
if i remain alone
i'm sorry if i sound like a broken record
i'm sorry if you think that's cliche
i'm sorry if i sound like a broken record
but i don't know what else to say
but i don't know what else to say
i want a foreign taste
to every dinner time
i want to know my place
between the reason and rhyme
i'm sorry if i sound like a broken record
i'm sorry if you think that's cliche
i'm sorry if i sound like a broken record
but i don't know what else to say

the change of a letter

2005-08-14T16:32:00.000-07:00

i am in the middle of muddled feelings.
i am
reeling
under the weight of my own pretenses.
fake
fälschung
falsificación
faux
allusion
illusion

tra la lop

2005-08-13T18:59:00.000-07:00

it's been a couple of years.
alcohol alcohol and i still haven't lost my inhabitions.
they've been my friends these long years.
i am afraid of everything, especially everything that resembles me or what might make me feel alright.

crushed fingertips make for a sorry grip

2005-07-31T17:54:00.000-07:00

what does one do to obtain satisfaction? i can't get none.
we get alone a lot.
i am going to not care.
i am going to not care.
i am going to not care.
don't hold my hand. i mean it.

curvature of the spine and sine

2005-07-23T20:57:00.000-07:00

i am the face book
the place
the time and space book
trace book
case book
the arsenic and lace book
i am the brace
the pick up the pace book
the run the race book
i start something new every second.
i like math music and motion
more more more
i like literature law and love
those that feel the keener wound
the heights and depths

catastrophe

2005-07-20T19:46:00.000-07:00

your secret postings will remain secret due in part to the fact that no one wants to hear what you have to say. some of the other parts are...1.what you have to say is really pretty dull...2.what you have to say is masked so completely in disarray that anyone originally hoping to hear it gives up, discouraged, and is the better for having done so.
teeth get sharpened where they can. cast ye not.

worth, do you have any?

2005-07-19T22:23:00.000-07:00

he looks like a dungeon master.
but i can't look at him, so how would i know.
the burden of other peoples' stupidity becomes more than i can carry.

2005-07-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

supplant

2005-07-18T22:39:00.000-07:00

i get shut
d
o
w
n
and _____________________out
by all sorts of horrendous misunderstandings. misinterpretation is my fate. i am at the hands of the distant public, making me out to be what they don't want.
as a supplement, i am confident in my abilities.

get louder

2005-07-18T08:22:00.000-07:00

i want to be talked to.
talked at.
for hours. and some more.
who makes the rules?
can't i just speak poetry? the very nature of a definition is metaphor.

shiree

2005-07-15T09:20:00.000-07:00

excitement tends to be short lived, but i have the fountain of youth.
oh! that my head were a spring of water!
said jeremiah as he sorrowed over loved ones. if only i could continue to remember my loved ones above and beyond my loved self. beloved beloved is my name.

curse-ed

2005-07-14T21:17:00.000-07:00

the fresh prince has nothing on me.
nothing
nothing
is what i have

the ribbing

2005-07-14T00:50:00.000-07:00

and then what? adam? your rib is shouting out for companionship. dust in your joints. even a speck of dirt can be pearlized.

http://photobucket.com/albums/a100/ime1t/

i am new

2005-07-13T20:04:00.000-07:00

i desire newness all the time.
i want to go, but where?